Practice: Learning a Tool of Meditation to Bring Relief in the Here and Now
Last week I broke down that mindfulness is the basic human ability to become fully aware to the present moment, non-judgmentally; and that it has formal and informal practices. The informal practice of Mindfulness is seeking mindfulness in every day life, as you live it. It can be as simple as a shift in your attention to the present moment while driving, brushing one’s teeth, or listening to a friend, without thinking about what you’re going to say next or whether you agree with them fully.
Today, we’re talking about Formal Mindfulness practices, which are not necessarily “different” but rather Mindfulness done with a more clear intention and time. There are many different types of Formal Mindfulness practices. For a list, feel free to click here: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/your_mindfulness_practice_can_be_formal_or_informal. The Formal practice I’m focusing on today is “Meditation”.
But first I want to dispel a couple myths:
Meditation is not just for hippies or religious people: For many, the image that comes to mind is probably someone in some kind of serious sitting posture. The first time I heard of meditation, I thought of eastern religions where people chant “Ohm” and also of Rafiki from Lion King (where he’s seated cross-legged with his arms out to the side, middle finger and thumb touching) haha.
You don’t have to be be Rafiki, religious, a hippie, or crunchy to practice Meditation, because meditation is a skill not a belief system. Meditation is a tool that we can draw on when life gets tough --that way we can manage stress and respond in ways that are lined up with our deepest values and wisdom. Historically, there have been a lot of assumptions about meditation, but over the last 5-10 years, mindfulness-based therapy has become not only more popular, but has substantial research proving it’s effectiveness for mental health. In fact, one scientific study carried out by Oxford University and using 238 employees from Googld and Roche found that 8 weeks of using the Headspace app for 10-20 minutes resulted in a 31% decrease in symptoms of anxiety and 46% in depression symptoms.
Which brings me to the second myth I want to address is that “Meditation is only for people with a lot of free time”. Studies show that even a few minutes of quieting the mind and body on a regular basis can produce substantial benefits—less depression, less anxiety, lower blood pressure—and improvements in memory and attention. Meditation can be as simple as setting aside one minute. The practice is not a “one and done solution” to mental health issues, however. The consistent practice of Mindfulness is training your brain to default to a more relaxed state. If you have ever learned a new skill - running for a 5K or learning to knit or play an instrument, it takes time for the body to learn a “new normal”. So it is with meditation. Start small and build your skill of Mindfulness.
Before I give some guides of Meditation, here are some
Key principles for Meditation:
Set aside time: whether it is 30 seconds or 20 minutes, set aside time in your day to draw away to a quiet space, without distractions.
Observe the moment as it is: The aim of mindfulness is not achieve a state of calm (although many times, it is a beautiful byproduct); instead the goal is to pay attention to the present moment, without judgement.
Let your judgements roll down the river. One way you can do this is: When you notice a judgement arise (ie. “Why do I keep getting distracted?”) or even a thought (ie. “what am i going to make for dinner?” or even ruminating over a memory), imagine taking that thought or judgement and placing it in a metaphorical river beside you. Symbolically, watch it roll down the river for a moment, and bring your attention back to the present moment.
Kindly observe the present moment as it is. It is ok that your mind wanders- that’s part of being human and why the practice of mindfulness is not achieving something, but rather is returning again and again to the present moment. Be kind to your wandering mind and gently return to the present.
Now that you have those principles, I invite you to try a Meditation. Below is a short Body Scan Guide that can take as few as 20 seconds. If you’ve never tried a Meditation before, it’s a great space to start. If you’re more familiar with Meditation or up for something more, click here to be guided through a 10 minute Audio Body Scan: https://www.headspace.com/meditation/meditation-for-beginners)
“A good introduction to meditation for beginners is the “body scan” technique, which is actually a great way to cultivate the gentle curiosity we need to bring to a meditation. What’s a body scan? Imagine a photocopier-style scanner slowly moving over you, detecting any physical sensations within the body, without analysis and without trying to change what you feel.
With your eyes closed and starting at the top of the head, mentally scan down your body, from head to toe. As you scan, notice which parts feel relaxed or tense, comfortable or uncomfortable, light or heavy, and so on and so forth. You are simply building a picture of how the body feels right now, in the moment. Each scan should take about 20 seconds. Thoughts may well arise and distract you. If so, simply return to the area of the body where you last left off. In making the body scan a part of your meditation, you are familiarizing yourself with bringing awareness to your thoughts and feelings, in connection with your body”.
-Headspace
I HIGHLY recommend downloading the Calm or Headspace App. You get a few options for free, and even more if you subscribe monthly or yearly. Find a 3-5 minute Body Scan to start getting comfortable with Meditation. Once you're comfortable increase your time or variety of Meditation.
I’ll re-iterate meditation is not a quick-fix strategy; it does take a long-term approach. If you have severe anxiety, always speak to a health care profession to talk through options and figure out how to make meditation part of your healing journey.
If you’ve done the 20 second or 10 minute Body Scan today, great job for trying something new and diving into the present moment. Keep breathing and choosing the present moment.
Resources:
Calm App
Headspace App
https://www.mindful.org/how-to-practice-mindfulness/
https://www.headspace.com/meditation/meditation-for-beginners)
“The 4 P’s: A few principles to conquering anxiety”
It all begins with an idea.
Anxiety is something every human can relate to. Although anxiety can take many forms in many different contexts, the kind of anxiety I’ll be talking about in this series, is the kind that has stepped beyond a stressful circumstance or moment. For some, chronic anxiety seemed to have snuck up out of nowhere. For others, it came after a traumatic moment or season; and for the majority of the world, there is some level of anxiety we all are feeling in this current pandemic climate. Whatever the instigator is, anxiety leaves us feeling overwhelmed and powerless.
We try different things- staying busy, numbing it out with binging TV, food, substances, or pleasure, but if these things help at all, many of us discover they aren’t a long-term remedy. Some distractions even exacerbate the symptoms of anxiety, leaving us feeling even more powerless.
So what is the remedy? Although I cannot prescribe any one action that will magically resolve anxiety, I can give a few key principles to help create an opportunity for relief and a new journey out of chronic anxiety.
According to Kabat-Zinn, Mindfulness is “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally”. Many people associate mindfulness with spirituality and eastern religion. Although mindfulness can be spiritual for some, it is not a religious practice. Mindfulness is simply a way of engaging the here and now, that brings us from our heads (full of fears, judgment, busyness, “what-if’s” and analyzing) to instead, being in connection with the present moment, without judgment. A simple, every day example of mindfulness, is eating lunch without multitasking, paying attention to the flavors, texture, and how we feel as we eat.
Try it today, and take note what you notice. Mindfulness can be an action, perspective, or a byproduct. No matter the vehicle, mindfulness gives us the opportunity to see and feel differently as we raise awareness to the present moment, without judgment.
Here are four key mindfulness principles to conquering anxiety:
Permission: learning to listen
Presence: how to feel the texture of every moment
Practice: learning a tool of meditation to bring relief in the here and now
People: what role do others play in my journey with anxiety? And are they necessary?
I encourage exploring these steps with a counselor, as any form of mindfulness can bring both relief and sometimes more awareness to challenging emotions. However, each of these steps are safe actions anyone can take at any time. As you take a step, I hope you find some relief and discover something new about yourself.
Be well,
Cassie
Permission: “My Friend, Anxiety”
It all begins with an idea.
Anxiety is a hot topic right now with COVID. On top of the trauma of knowing a global pandemic is happening, we are flooded with fears, news, and uncertainty. As we practice social distancing, our daily rhythms and quick go-to habits to bring relief are either challenging or impossible. Everyone is looking to find relief from anxiety. For those with chronic anxiety, this season is particularly triggering. Although my future post “Practice” will be particularly helpful for anyone looking for simple tools to find peace amidst quarantine, this post will focus more on the foundational practice of “Permission”.
Anxiety (and particularly Chronic Anxiety) can manifest long term in physical pains, menstrual cycle irregularities, tightened chest, shortened breathing, back pain, headaches, fatigue, interrupted sleep or insomnia, burnout, loss of interest, isolation, among other symptoms. If you have experienced anxiety before, you know how interconnected our bodies, spirits, and emotions are. Our bodies are brilliant, and intrinsically know how to communicate what’s going on internally, when we need it most. If something has become too overwhelming to bear and there are not any accessible coping mechanisms, our emotions or bodies also can begin to shut down as a way to protect itself. This can look like social isolation, loss of interest, loss of appetite, and low energy.
I can recall a season of life where I was working nearly 80 hours a week to pay the bills. I felt tired, my brain felt foggy most days, I was forgetting things constantly, and my menstrual cycle was extending between 2-5 weeks long. However, the symptom that got me to a counselor was consistently waking up in a night sweat, with racing thoughts. When I would wake up this way, I found no relief when I would try to stop thinking or reasoning with why I shouldn’t feel the way I did? (Looking back, I can clearly see why I experienced so much anxiety, but when we are “in it” and quick to judge our ourselves, it’s easy to dismiss our feelings with “shouldn’ts”). Lying in bed, I would either try to reason or work through the problem, assuming that would help resolve my anxiety and help me fall back to sleep. Or I would get frustrated and think “Why am I awake?!” Sometimes I would judge myself with thoughts like “This is so dumb” or “I don’t know why I’m getting woke up by this?” My Anxiety was my enemy and I wanted to tell her the hell off.
I felt so angry with this problem that I couldn’t control, until my counselor asked me “If Anxiety were a friend, what would she, he or they be saying?” I realized that if my anxiety was a person, and therefore had a voice to express emotions, I would lean in, listen, and care. In that season of life, I felt all kinds of emotions. My Anxiety was saying “I’m worried we can’t pay the bills”, “I’m doing too much”, “I feel really overwhelmed”, “I’m scared that I’m not enough to do my job well”.
After I began to hear Anxiety’s voice under the late night wake up calls, I began to reconcile these symptoms and feel compassion for a part of myself that felt so stressed and scared. My posture changed with this self-compassion. Instead of frustration and judgement, I began to place my hand over my heart and say something like “I’m so overwhelmed”. Sometimes I would straight up ask myself (as I would in a conversation with a friend) “What are you feeling?” This allowed me to create a different posture towards myself- one of curiosity. Even when I didn’t feel like it, it would be important for me to continue that posure of curiosity by getting up and journaling. Sometimes all I needed was to write a couple sentences; other times, I wrote a whole page. Because our bodies are connected to our emotions, I would wrap up this time with a yoga pose to reset my system, called Viparita Karani, also known as Legs Up the Wall” (for instruction: https://www.yogajournal.com/practice/legs-up-the-wall-pose). The practice gives blood circulation a gentle boost toward the upper body, which creates a pleasant rebalancing that often feels relaxing.
When I chose to be curious instead of judgmental, I had the opportunity to listen to my body (full of headaches, tight shoulder muscles, tight chest, and night sweats). When I chose to listen to my body, I was able to hear the emotion behind all the anxiety. Once I heard the emotion, I had the opportunity to practice self-compassion, which felt like a friend sitting across from me saying “I hear you….This is SO hard”.
I don’t think anyone innately likes the idea of calling one’s anxiety a friend, but when we choose to offer curiosity and compassion as we would a loved friend, we begin a different relationship with anxiety- on that heals. It’s tough to find nourishment in a friendship where we are constantly hearing “I wish you didn’t feel that way” or “I wish you would just go away”. In fact, it would be a toxic friendship. Anxiety also has a purpose of communicating to us an unacknowledged emotion or an unmet need. So next time you feel anxious (maybe even right now), choose to practice listening, curiosity, and compassion, as you would to a friend.
Although other people play an important role in our healing journeys, we also have an important role in our own self-healing. Especially in this isolated time of Quarantine, it’s invaluable to feel a sense of control and empowerment when Anxiety rears it’s head. In the same way with a friend, we can’t always change their painful circumstances, but we can offer a listening ear, presence, and compassion. As Dr. Kristin Neff, a Self Compassion Therapist says, self-compassion “gives us the support and comfort needed to bear the pain and provide the optimal conditions for growth and transformation”.
So, I dare you - to do what feels foreign, awkward, and possibly counterintuitive, this week. Instead of dismissing or distracting yourself when you feel anxious, lean in with curiosity to Anxiety, as you would a friend. Give yourself the unconditionally safe space to feel whatever it is, and use that information to courageously nourish that need. I trust you will build a foundation for healing as you listen beneath the surface of Anxiety.
This week, practice Permission by staying curious to your emotions and exercising self compassion. I encourage you to practice self-compassion, in some way through one or more of these actions:
Next time you feel anxious (or even now), ask yourself “If my anxiety had a voice, what would it be saying to me right now?” Quiet your judgemental voice, at least for this moment.
When you are able to identify an emotion you’re feeling, place your hand over your heart and express your emotion (I feel ___) or even a response to that feeling (ie. This is hard)
Take a 1-2 minutes to journal what your feeling- it could be a drawing or with words.
Because Anxiety also has a purpose of communicating to us an unacknowledged emotion or unmet need, ask yourself “What do I need right now?” And find a way to nourish that need through actions like reaching out to a friend, saying “no” to something/someone that feels overwhelming, going for a walk, or even just placing your hand over your heart and telling yourself what you need (ie “I’m safe”)
Some Resources:
Instagram accounts to follow:
@Nedratawwab
@FindYourSunhsineTherapy
@The.Holistic.Psychologist
@AlyssaMarieWellness
@azpsychotherapist
@TheAnxietyHealer
Self Compassion Meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAuBXTTaXVU
Presence: How to Feel the Texture of Every Moment
It all begins with an idea.
Have you found yourself, not only anxious, but also feeling like life is passing you by? Many of us who have experienced trauma or who struggle with anxiety often experience life with an “out of body experience”. I don’t mean literally; but rather that at times, we feel disconnected from ourselves...or like we’re watching a moment instead of experiencing it fully, in the moment. It can leave us feeling even more anxious and sad. I can recall years of birthdays or significant life events, and even uneventful time with loved ones, where I would want to feel “present”, but felt like something was in the way. I would think “this is a big deal” or “this is such a sweet moment; why is it that I can’t connect or feel it?”
Little did I know, my life was marked by a “lack of presence”. I just didn’t usually notice until I hit my limit emotionally or if there was a consequence, like having to cancel an appointment because I overbooked myself. I was someone who would scroll on my phone in the mornings until I had barely enough time to shower, throw on some clothes, and grab my breakfast to go. I would eat meals in the car, sometimes missing meals because “I just didn’t have time!” My life was full of multi-tasking. After all, why get one thing done when I could get 3 things done! I constantly was running late to meetings, sometimes having to cancel because I didn’t know how “time got away”. Dear reader, if you are feeling any sensations in your body as you read this (shortened breathing, a mild headache, a tightened chest), your body is communicating what my body saw as “normal”. My life was full of anxiety, full of non-stop busyness, and no gaps or permission for “Presence”.
What I mean by presence is a grounded awareness and connection to the here and now moment. Get this- we can be doing the dishes, hanging with friends or a partner, or even simply sitting and yet NOT ACTUALLY BE PRESENT. Our minds can be ruminating on a conversation that happened an hour before, figuring out how making dinner fit in tonight's schedule, or thinking about how upset we are at a family member. All these thoughts are important to think about, but if every moment we live, we are also thinking about something else, past or future, we are going to miss out on the present. Furthermore, any moment we are spending preoccupied with the past or present, can cultivate anxiety. But let’s get real- we do have to think through planning dinner and it’s important to honor our hurt feelings towards that family member. So the remedy to anxiety is not about avoiding those thoughts; they are natural and essential to life. The remedy, instead, is to cultivate a culture of “Presence” in our lives. That is done through the practice of Mindfulness.
As I shared in my initial post, according to Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness Stress Reduction Therapy, Mindfulness is “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally”. Many people associate mindfulness with spirituality and eastern religion. Although mindfulness can be spiritual for some, it is not a religious practice. Mindfulness is simply a way of engaging the here and now, that brings us from our heads (full of fears, judgement, non-stop busyness, “what-if’s” and analyzing) to instead, being in connection with the present moment, without judgement.
So then, what does it look like to practice Mindfulness? There are two kinds of Mindfulness practices: Formal and informal. I will talk about the Formal practice next week. This week, I’m just focusing on informal practice that invites us into Presence. In contrast to a preoccupied mind and disconnection from the details of a moment, as i mentioned above, Informal practice of mindfulness involves “feeling the TEXTURE of the moment”. When you’re washing dishes, it can look like engaging the feeling and temperature of the water passing through our fingers. When you’re sitting outside, it can look like paying special attention to the leaves nearby. When you’re talking with a friend or partner, it can look like paying special attention to their features and what they are saying...and when your mind drifts, refocusing your mind. All these actions are elements of the practice Mindfulness.
To practice informal mindfulness this week, pick one of the activities mentioned below from https://chopra.com/articles/everyday-mindfulness-7-steps-to-deepening-presence-in-daily-activities and see what it is like to pay full attention to what is happening right here and now. For example, if you pick to practice mindfulness in the shower, do you feel the water on your body? Is it warm enough? Too warm? Do you feel the soap or the shampoo—can you be present throughout the shower? If your mind wanders (for example, to reviewing your to-do list), don’t judge yourself. Instead, simply bring your mind back to the sensory experience of being in the shower.
Doing the dishes. Unless you like dirty pots and pans piled high in your sink, washing dishes is a task that always needs to get done, but that you likely don’t enjoy. Yet when you infuse the doing the dishes with your full attention this activity filled with opportunities for presence. The sensations of hot water, soap, and rinsing—all anchored to the breath—are deeply mindful moments. In addition, this practice also provides the chance to experience gratitude for the meal or food that was prepared or served from those dishes.
Waiting in line. Society gives you ample chances to wait in line. At the grocery store, doctor’s office, or in traffic, these pauses in your activity are a perfect time to look deeper, feel your body, or tune into the witness within. You likely fight against the wait and often cause yourself to suffer with impatience. Instead, why not use waiting as a chance to connect more deeply with the present moment?
Taking a shower. A daily shower is often an activity you rush or plot through as you mindlessly follow a set routine for cleaning your body. But consider all the opportunities for tuning into your senses as you wash your hair and body—the possibilities for paying attention to the sounds, sights, and sensations of the water, or as the witness experiencing it all.
Driving to and from work. Your daily commute is often an autopilot experience with a regular route, radio station or music, or perhaps a meal or coffee along the way. Instead, why not use the daily drive as a chance to focus on the experience of driving? Consider consciously controlling a 2-ton vehicle with all its intricate parts, the physics behind the internal combustion engine, or marvel at how your mind is able to perform the complex act of driving in rush hour traffic with thousands of other motorists.
Eating a meal. Mindful eating is a practice unto itself. Suffice it to say that using the tools mentioned above to practice mindful eating opens entirely new dimensions in your relationship to food and how you nourish your body. In addition, it is an incredible opportunity to practice stillness and go within during an inherently social activity.
Walking a pet. Walking a dog or cat adds a new level of experience to the practice of mindful walking. It provides opportunities to enliven your senses, notice the details, and focus on your breathing, all while interacting with your pet and the environment. In addition, animals are much more deeply rooted in the present moment, providing yet another doorway into deepening the awareness that connects you.
Doing the laundry. While some consider doing the laundry and exercise in drudgery, infused with attention, this activity can also be a portal into higher awareness. Whether it’s the feel of the clothing, the smell of the clean (or dirty) garments, or contemplating the complex and far-reaching chain of events that led to you owning a particular item, you are free to experience any moment from a deeper perspective.