Presence: How to Feel the Texture of Every Moment
Have you found yourself, not only anxious, but also feeling like life is passing you by? Many of us who have experienced trauma or who struggle with anxiety often experience life with an “out of body experience”. I don’t mean literally; but rather that at times, we feel disconnected from ourselves...or like we’re watching a moment instead of experiencing it fully, in the moment. It can leave us feeling even more anxious and sad. I can recall years of birthdays or significant life events, and even uneventful time with loved ones, where I would want to feel “present”, but felt like something was in the way. I would think “this is a big deal” or “this is such a sweet moment; why is it that I can’t connect or feel it?”
Little did I know, my life was marked by a “lack of presence”. I just didn’t usually notice until I hit my limit emotionally or if there was a consequence, like having to cancel an appointment because I overbooked myself. I was someone who would scroll on my phone in the mornings until I had barely enough time to shower, throw on some clothes, and grab my breakfast to go. I would eat meals in the car, sometimes missing meals because “I just didn’t have time!” My life was full of multi-tasking. After all, why get one thing done when I could get 3 things done! I constantly was running late to meetings, sometimes having to cancel because I didn’t know how “time got away”. Dear reader, if you are feeling any sensations in your body as you read this (shortened breathing, a mild headache, a tightened chest), your body is communicating what my body saw as “normal”. My life was full of anxiety, full of non-stop busyness, and no gaps or permission for “Presence”.
What I mean by presence is a grounded awareness and connection to the here and now moment. Get this- we can be doing the dishes, hanging with friends or a partner, or even simply sitting and yet NOT ACTUALLY BE PRESENT. Our minds can be ruminating on a conversation that happened an hour before, figuring out how making dinner fit in tonight's schedule, or thinking about how upset we are at a family member. All these thoughts are important to think about, but if every moment we live, we are also thinking about something else, past or future, we are going to miss out on the present. Furthermore, any moment we are spending preoccupied with the past or present, can cultivate anxiety. But let’s get real- we do have to think through planning dinner and it’s important to honor our hurt feelings towards that family member. So the remedy to anxiety is not about avoiding those thoughts; they are natural and essential to life. The remedy, instead, is to cultivate a culture of “Presence” in our lives. That is done through the practice of Mindfulness.
As I shared in my initial post, according to Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness Stress Reduction Therapy, Mindfulness is “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally”. Many people associate mindfulness with spirituality and eastern religion. Although mindfulness can be spiritual for some, it is not a religious practice. Mindfulness is simply a way of engaging the here and now, that brings us from our heads (full of fears, judgement, non-stop busyness, “what-if’s” and analyzing) to instead, being in connection with the present moment, without judgement.
So then, what does it look like to practice Mindfulness? There are two kinds of Mindfulness practices: Formal and informal. I will talk about the Formal practice next week. This week, I’m just focusing on informal practice that invites us into Presence. In contrast to a preoccupied mind and disconnection from the details of a moment, as i mentioned above, Informal practice of mindfulness involves “feeling the TEXTURE of the moment”. When you’re washing dishes, it can look like engaging the feeling and temperature of the water passing through our fingers. When you’re sitting outside, it can look like paying special attention to the leaves nearby. When you’re talking with a friend or partner, it can look like paying special attention to their features and what they are saying...and when your mind drifts, refocusing your mind. All these actions are elements of the practice Mindfulness.
To practice informal mindfulness this week, pick one of the activities mentioned below from https://chopra.com/articles/everyday-mindfulness-7-steps-to-deepening-presence-in-daily-activities and see what it is like to pay full attention to what is happening right here and now. For example, if you pick to practice mindfulness in the shower, do you feel the water on your body? Is it warm enough? Too warm? Do you feel the soap or the shampoo—can you be present throughout the shower? If your mind wanders (for example, to reviewing your to-do list), don’t judge yourself. Instead, simply bring your mind back to the sensory experience of being in the shower.
Doing the dishes. Unless you like dirty pots and pans piled high in your sink, washing dishes is a task that always needs to get done, but that you likely don’t enjoy. Yet when you infuse the doing the dishes with your full attention this activity filled with opportunities for presence. The sensations of hot water, soap, and rinsing—all anchored to the breath—are deeply mindful moments. In addition, this practice also provides the chance to experience gratitude for the meal or food that was prepared or served from those dishes.
Waiting in line. Society gives you ample chances to wait in line. At the grocery store, doctor’s office, or in traffic, these pauses in your activity are a perfect time to look deeper, feel your body, or tune into the witness within. You likely fight against the wait and often cause yourself to suffer with impatience. Instead, why not use waiting as a chance to connect more deeply with the present moment?
Taking a shower. A daily shower is often an activity you rush or plot through as you mindlessly follow a set routine for cleaning your body. But consider all the opportunities for tuning into your senses as you wash your hair and body—the possibilities for paying attention to the sounds, sights, and sensations of the water, or as the witness experiencing it all.
Driving to and from work. Your daily commute is often an autopilot experience with a regular route, radio station or music, or perhaps a meal or coffee along the way. Instead, why not use the daily drive as a chance to focus on the experience of driving? Consider consciously controlling a 2-ton vehicle with all its intricate parts, the physics behind the internal combustion engine, or marvel at how your mind is able to perform the complex act of driving in rush hour traffic with thousands of other motorists.
Eating a meal. Mindful eating is a practice unto itself. Suffice it to say that using the tools mentioned above to practice mindful eating opens entirely new dimensions in your relationship to food and how you nourish your body. In addition, it is an incredible opportunity to practice stillness and go within during an inherently social activity.
Walking a pet. Walking a dog or cat adds a new level of experience to the practice of mindful walking. It provides opportunities to enliven your senses, notice the details, and focus on your breathing, all while interacting with your pet and the environment. In addition, animals are much more deeply rooted in the present moment, providing yet another doorway into deepening the awareness that connects you.
Doing the laundry. While some consider doing the laundry and exercise in drudgery, infused with attention, this activity can also be a portal into higher awareness. Whether it’s the feel of the clothing, the smell of the clean (or dirty) garments, or contemplating the complex and far-reaching chain of events that led to you owning a particular item, you are free to experience any moment from a deeper perspective.
